It's Hard To Be the Prettiest Person You Know

Sadly this is a pain I have never known in my life.

I am fat, have a goofy face, complete with scars, fucked up teeth and a small penis. Women faint at the sight of me, children cry when they are near me, and if you listen carefully you can hear the sound of animals being slaughtered. This is acceptable to me. Eventually you learn to live with the concept of being ugly.

Nothing is more annoying than being thought of as a creepy guy. Now am I saying I am not creepy?
Definitely not, i keep spare roofies in the back part of my wallet. This is not the point.

The point, is that I cannot go to a bar and talk to a woman who is granted vastly out of my league without her putting her hand over her drink.

Would I drug her? Obviously not if she is being that cautious because I know immediately who she would suspect, and suggest to the police. My probation officer says I am on my last strike.

This type of behavior has led to a heavy mysoginist streak. Mainly for the pretty girl who thinks that every guy wants her and every girl wants to be her.

Now I spent a good part of the first part painting myself as the creepy guy, mainly so that the retarded pretty girls I am talking about get bored and stop reading thinking "I KNEW he tried to drug my drink", but alas I did not.

Now that the pretty people are gone let me paint you, the awkward and unattractive know what really goes on when I see a girl who fancies herself a 10.

You ARE NOT, NOR EVER WILL BE A 10!
You live in the Greater Buffalo region. If you were a 10 you would be far away from here, probably doing something ultimately wasteful, but probably quite fun, with your life. At the very most you could probably have a semi-successful porn career. You should actually think about moving in that direction, you already hate yourself enough to put down everyone around you, why not go the extra mile and really stick it to your parents?

Not all pretty females are like this, but we can all off the top of our heads name at least 4 people like this.

Now before I completely stamp out the possibility of me ever having sex with anyone above a 2 on my scale let me lay off the ladies for a minute.

Guys you aren't that special either. Douchebaggery has run rampant in these parts as of late and let me give you my first piece of evidence. Affliction t-shirts. Enough said. It used to be fairly hard to pick out the douchebag at the bar. There were always the earring guys, and male tramp-stamp sporters, yet you never could really find out there level of douchieness until you spoke to them. Apparently that bothered the real douchebags, they had to get a uniform.

I am not saying everyone in an Affliction shirt is a douchebag, however it is a distinct possibility, hell 98.237% (Research provided by Douchehaters of America) that if you are in Affliction-wear, and not obligated by your MMA contract to sport such gear you ARE in fact the douchiest of the douchebags. Lower level douches bask in your ability to pound Jaegerbombs and sleep with nearly passed out girls.

So to those of you of BOTH sexes, who feel you are the Lord and Lady of Buffalo, get over yourselves, or in the case of the ladies, get under me.

No whores or douchebags feelings were hurt in the writing of this blog, as they either no longer have feelings or are too stupid to understand they are the target here.