You Bring the Pumpkin Pie, I'll Bring the Small Pox Infected Blankets

I know it has been a long time going without folks, but you got yourselves a Turkey Day miracle and something to REALLY be thankful for....a Chris Plumer blog. I won't get into a long speech or anything, I just want to list a few things I am and am not thankful for throughout my life.


Things I AM thankful for:
Girls with daddy issues-Take that virginity....nuff said.

Girls with little or no standards at all when it comes to how a guy looks/how small his penis is-see above

I am thankful that duct tape is inexpensive, and is the best way to muffle a hookers screams before I murder them in my death shack.

I am thankful that I know enough people that no one else likes so we all have to hang out together and be "friends" otherwise no one would hang out with any of us.

I know it sounds incredibly racist but I am so thankful to be a white male of European descent in America, it is nice to walk into a store knowing security won't think I am trying to steal, police not pulling me over for no reason and beating me mercilessly. I like knowing that when I walk into a job interview there is a good chance management will look kindly on me for my aryan features and offer me the job. It's just nice to know that in the end I will get into heaven irregardless of my lack of faith and bad behavior simply because I am white, it is in your bible look it up...I'll wait.

Now let's move on to things I am NOT thankful for:
Ax Body Wash- WTF Ax?!?! You were supposed to make the bitches DTF!!! Instead you just make me smell like BO

I know it is completely hypocritical but I am not thankful for being a white male of European descent in America, we are taking alot of heat these days, I didn't make the country this way....I just got to reap the benefits, sorry everyone else.

I am not thankful that two black eyes later and my girlfriend still doesn't understand that dinner at 5 means the food should be on my plate at 4:59 so that when I walk in the door at 5 it is ready for my enjoyment.

Okay now, all kidding aside I am really thankful for all of you. It has been a rough ride this past week, but I am glad we were all together for it. Even though at most times I was being horribly inappropriate, and downright absurd. I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving with those they love, and love only because god says that you have to love them.
Gobble Gobble motherfuckers, now let's go kill some indians and do this Thanksgiving right.