Thursday, July 16, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I Know I Won't Be Getting Laid Anytime Soon So Here We Go...
In order to maintain the lavish lifestyle I have created for myself I've taken a third job.
It has one great perk, people watching.
If you are new to these parts, one thing the Greater Buffalo-Niagara Region is known for is Chris Plumer's contempt for humanity, as at least 76-84% of the population consists of douchebags and whores who won't sleep with me. So finding a job that allows me to get money for watching/listening to idiots is my dream come true.
During a quick eavesdrop session I noticed some very attractive girls talking. The one was telling the other about how much of an asshole her boyfriend is and how she wasn't sure what she should do about him.
Let me just list a couple keywords from this dilemna she was facing.
Drinks too much
Doesn't work
Hits her
Cheats on her
You fucking serious? Clearly she needs to hold on to that one, its not like scumbags aren't a dime a dozen around here.
The best part about this is you see it pretty much everywhere you turn, some hot chick and a douche. To all of the women who find themselves in this situation: Clearly God bestowed upon you great beauty, but in his own vanity of admiring his quality work he forgot to give you the brain to navigate that fine ass to happiness. Maybe you should stay away from the guy who wants you to shoot his ass with 'roids before he rolls to the gym. Sure he may have a nice car, but its probably a little cramped and musty when you stay over at his "apartment" in his mom's basement. Or maybe you should come to the conclusion that ducking is not the most effective way of not having your boyfriend hit you.
I know what some of you may be thinking, this chubby bastard is trying to jockey himself a spot with the hot chicks with low self esteem.
WRONG.
Stay away from me, I'm a drunk, and any guy that jokes about daterape this much shouldn't be trusted.
It just seems impossible that someone could be as stupid as this broad was. There are kids who come in last place at the Special Olympics who could have solved this riddle with greater ease.
It has one great perk, people watching.
If you are new to these parts, one thing the Greater Buffalo-Niagara Region is known for is Chris Plumer's contempt for humanity, as at least 76-84% of the population consists of douchebags and whores who won't sleep with me. So finding a job that allows me to get money for watching/listening to idiots is my dream come true.
During a quick eavesdrop session I noticed some very attractive girls talking. The one was telling the other about how much of an asshole her boyfriend is and how she wasn't sure what she should do about him.
Let me just list a couple keywords from this dilemna she was facing.
Drinks too much
Doesn't work
Hits her
Cheats on her
You fucking serious? Clearly she needs to hold on to that one, its not like scumbags aren't a dime a dozen around here.
The best part about this is you see it pretty much everywhere you turn, some hot chick and a douche. To all of the women who find themselves in this situation: Clearly God bestowed upon you great beauty, but in his own vanity of admiring his quality work he forgot to give you the brain to navigate that fine ass to happiness. Maybe you should stay away from the guy who wants you to shoot his ass with 'roids before he rolls to the gym. Sure he may have a nice car, but its probably a little cramped and musty when you stay over at his "apartment" in his mom's basement. Or maybe you should come to the conclusion that ducking is not the most effective way of not having your boyfriend hit you.
I know what some of you may be thinking, this chubby bastard is trying to jockey himself a spot with the hot chicks with low self esteem.
WRONG.
Stay away from me, I'm a drunk, and any guy that jokes about daterape this much shouldn't be trusted.
It just seems impossible that someone could be as stupid as this broad was. There are kids who come in last place at the Special Olympics who could have solved this riddle with greater ease.
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